Lulu of the Week

Hi, everybody. Meet my Cousin Lulu. She shoots laser beams out of her eyes whenever a fundy says something particularly stupid. (So she's pretty busy these days.)

Lulu had to get up early this morning to award (ta-daaa) The Lulu of the Week Award.

Dale commented on Ray Comfort's creepy plan* to show up at Dale's funeral:

"That is a rather disgusting thought so I shared it with my son. He says that he or either of his two brothers would be very pleased to kick your scawny butt all over the place so, have at it! I was laughing at that one when he piped up and said, 'awe, heck, we'll just let Mom do it!' Cherish the thought!"

To which Vera shot back:

"You would be amazed at how things change at a funeral because the dead person now knows the truth."

Italics mine.

Vera must have attended some amazing funerals in her time. I'll be interested in her regaling us with stories of how the corpses communicated their discoveries from The Great Beyond, and exactly what they said, and who else witnessed these amazing events and will provide corroboration.



*no, I'm not linking to Comfort Swill or whatever its name is today

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As an Irishwoman who has also attended some memorable funerary celebrations, allow me to gift you with the following Newfoundland folksong, composed by one Johnny Burke (1851-1930):

The Night That Paddy Murphy Died

Oh the night that Paddy Murphy died, is a night I'll never forget
Some of the boys got loaded drunk, and they ain't got sober yet;
As long as a bottle was passed around every man was feelin' gay
O'Leary came with the bagpipes, some music for to play

Chorus:

And that's how they showed their respect for Paddy Murphy
That's how they showed their honour and their pride
They said it was a sin and a shame and they winked at one another
And every drink in the place was full the night Pat Murphy died

As Mrs. Murphy sat in the corner, pourin' out her grief
Kelly and his friends came tearing down the street
They crept into an empty room and a bottle of whiskey stole
They placed the bottle on the corpse to keep that whiskey cold
(Chorus)

'Bout three o'clock in the morning, after emptying the jug
Doyle rose up the icebox lid to see poor Paddy's mug
He stopped the clock so Mrs. Murphy couldn't tell the time
And at a quarter after three, they argued it was nine.
(Chorus)

And everyone got merry, they didn't care for prayer
Mrs. Murphy said she'd wait 'til all the gang were there
Of all the sights I've ever seen that made me shiver with fear
They took the ice right off the corpse, and placed it on the beer
(Chorus)

Now everything was doin' fine, there was no ill at all
'Til Finnegan told Callaghan, "You've got an awful gall."
I thought that that might start a row, And sure enough it did
For Callaghan had carved his name upon the coffin lid
(Chorus)

Then the fight got fierce & strong, everyone was in
Someone knocked the whiskers off poor old Darby Flynn
And Dirty Andy Burke was there, now whadda ya think he done?
He placed the corpse right on its head, in the corner just for fun
(Chorus)

Someone hollered for the cops; they busted down the door
They jumped upon ol' Paddy's back and they laid him on the floor
They knocked him twice behind the ears and they knocked him on the head
When they jumped up from his back, sure they found out he was dead
(Chorus)

Mrs. Murphy started in, battled with them cops
She chased 'em, every one of them; she chased 'em several blocks
A lovely time was had by all, eighteen in court were tried
For having caused a riot on the night Pat Murphy died
(Chorus)

At eight o'clock in the morning, the procession left the house
And everyone but poor ol' Mrs. Murphy was out soused
They stopped on the way to the churchyard at the old Red Door Saloon
They staggered in at nine o'clock and didn't come out 'til noon
(Chorus)

Someone asked ol' Finnegan if anyone had died
"Lou," says he, "I'm not quite sure, I just came for the ride."
They started out for the graveyard, all holy and sublime,
But found out when they got there, they'd left the corpse behind
(Chorus)

Some versions of the song add an additional verse:

It was twenty years ago me boys that old Pat was put underground
And every year to celebrate they all push the jug around
They gather at the graveyard and pour vinegar in his ditch
Cuz everybody hated that lousy son-of-a-bitch!