Questions to Ask a Christian After at Least Three Drinks

Why haven't you killed me yet?

Let’s talk about some of the more – ah, interesting things that your religion expects you to do.

You are expected to kill:

1. nonbelievers or anyone who offers to indoctrinate you into some other religion;
2. adulterers;
3. sassy children;
4. people who don’t belong to your tribe; and
5. homosexuals (or not -- there's some disagreement about this).
   

Mind you, these aren’t suggestions, nor outdated regulations. These are all current instructions.

What, you don’t believe me?

You think, “She’s quoting the Old Testament but that’s no longer valid since we’re under Jesus’ New Covenant.”

Wrong.

The New Testament depends upon the Old Testament. If there’s no Old Testament, then there’s no New Testament. Also, Jesus himself observed that his job was not to change the Old Testament law in any way – not a jot nor a tittle of it. He was very specific about that.

Therefore, the Old Testament may be old but it’s still in force.

Sooo: Why haven’t you killed me yet?

While you’re fishing for an answer to that one, let’s consider other matters of doctrine which are not necessarily based on nor supported by the Bible, but which are taken very seriously by your church, which means you must also take them seriously.

Does your church teach that homosexuality is an abomination, that homosexual relationships are verboten, and that homosexuals must not be treated like everyone else?

Then you must act immediately to take adopted and foster children away from their gay and lesbian parents/guardians. This will keep you busy for a while since there are thousands of such children all over the country, including a number of special-needs, difficult-to-place kids whose lives are hard enough already (though not yet so hard as you’re about to make them by performing your Christian duty). Lots of luck finding new homes for these kids. You could save time by memorizing a speech explaining why you’re breaking up their families, and be prepared to speak very loudly in order to make yourself heard over the noise of their screaming and crying.

Does your church teach that abortion is murder?

Then why aren’t you campaigning for the passage of legislation that sets out the required sentences for women who end their pregnancies, and to replace any elected official who won’t get behind such legislation?

“Because it won’t work.” -- You gotta be kidding me. No deity worth its halo would accept that excuse. Or any excuse, for that matter.

Sooo: Why haven't you killed me yet?

You can think about it while having another drink.

(Hat-tip to Vera and Cynthia at Comfort Food / The Soap Box / Atheist Alley / Whatever Its Name Is This Week for the inspiration)